The Power of the Pause

Written By Meghan Kubiak

I wonder if you can see yourself in any of these situations…

  • Your kiddo is having a really hard time managing their emotions and you’re struggling to access patience (and it’s not even 8am)

  • You’re texting a friend about weekend plans and your phone alerts you about a devastating news story (the third one this week)

  • You got in an argument with a significant other and you have the urge to turn to old (maybe not so healthy) coping strategies

  • You have a work meeting (that could have been an email) during which your hard work goes unnoticed 

  • You’re at a family function and someone brings up how “bad” processed food is (meanwhile, you’re just trying to get through another day of eating disorder recovery)


Whether one of these specific situations resonate or not, I’m sure you can relate to moments of overwhelm or activation. 

Here is where we introduce the power of the pause.

Those are very cute paws. But the pause I’m referring to is a temporary stop.

Creating space.


Allowing for exhale.


When a balloon is filled to its maximum capacity, it is more likely to pop when under pressure. When we talk about pausing, picture some of the air being let out of that balloon so that there’s more give…more resiliency.  


But before I provide some strategies for pausing, let me clarify. Pausing doesn’t “solve the problem.” What it can do is increase our capacity. It allows us to regulate and then return. Maybe this translates into more presence with your child; clarity on how to take action in a hurting world; healthy expression of feelings with your partner; appropriate use of assertiveness at work; enjoying every bit of those Doritos.


Regulate and return. 

Here are some ways to do so:

Take-5

Not the candy bar…although that might help as well. Try taking a five minute break from the situation. While you could use this time to distract (via music, movement, or completing a task), I recommend the use of box breathing (breathe in for four, hold for four, breathe out for four, hold for four). Slowing our breath helps regulate the nervous system, leading to a reduction in stress. This breathing technique is used by the Navy SEALs.


Stop, Drop, and Hum

The stress and overwhelm we feel is stored in our body. For me, and many others, stress commonly manifests in the jaw and shoulders. With your pause, I invite you to stop (literally stop what you’re doing), drop your jaw (it’s likely clenched) and drop your shoulders (they’re likely raised).


Now, on to the humming. Humming stimulates our vagus nerve. You might be wondering - what is the vagus nerve? Great question. The vagus nerve extends from your brain stem to your gut and helps control heart rate, respiration, and digestion. When we hum we activate the vagus nerve which allows for a feeling of calm and relaxation.

Scene Change 

A scene change in theatre allows for new backdrops to fall into place, props to be scurried out by stage crew, costume changes, and a new part of the story to unfold. 


In the case of our pause, a scene change can allow for physical space from whatever activated us. Sometimes the change in sensory input (what we see, hear, smell, and feel) is enough to foster more calm.


Getting outside is my favorite scene change. 




Here’s your invitation to try out the pause. 

By Steph Cawley, LMHC-D, CEDS



Meghan Kubiak